I have been trying to write, not just write but express, express the feeling and not just express losely but seriously let the vocabulary flow, in such a way that would feel exactly like living a life. Painfully driven with a touch of comic act filled with a lots of inspiration. Exactly like my life. Not just 'like' my life but synonymous to living my life (ha no difference there is...or is there?). Something that would inspire me so much so that I would end up writing a book about it or even end up making a movie.
I know this is the moment. I know this is the time to Do it! (Inspired by Nike), not just wait for better things to happen. I know this is it. Tell me this is it. This is the day I become who I've always wanted to be...this is the day I become who I am. The day I discover my potential and tranform them to yield kinetic results.
Tell me this is the time to wake up and never give up. Tell me this is the time to write, the time to make, the time to create, the time to move forward and never look back. Except for the memories to cherish or inspiration to derive from the past. Tell me this is it!
Tell me about it, please tell me, inspire me, make me strong and even more stronger. Give me life, give me all that there is to let me grow. Raise me up, my intelligence, my knowledge, my confidence....just pump them up!.
Make me good , make me better...make me the best.
Please god....you don't have to give me anything else just help me be strong, confident, inspired and help me be good.
Love,
Sha
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Longing
For so long I had been trying to write things about so mant things...but I never seem to get time when I feel like writing things. For ages I 've wanted to talk about my fetish for Mac, the food I hate, the busy days at work, Sex and the city, Will and Grace and so so much more.
At the same time I had been trying to avoid one most important part of my life that's supposed to define my future. Yes, the same thing again, my excessively elongated application process to grad school. and this whole sophisticated royal portfolio building process. Well, the truth is, I always have to go to my University to develop anything graphics. Cause thats the only place where I find peace in a form of Mac and ofcourse the latest Adobe suites always ready to let me play along.
God I hate it, no not them...not my favorite digital accessories. But the fact that I don't even have one fucking single genuine Adobe suite. Simply because I can't afford one at this time of my life. and I hate that so much. That everytime I want to create something I have to leave the comfort of my home, drive for 20 minutes in this below 20 degrees weather and eventaully reach the destination then feel awkward and cross fingers all through hopinng not to encounter any familiar faces. Its almost a stuggle for me. This journey of creating a portfolio. From the harsh weather to the long drive to the fear of coming across the people I hate to what not...god I seem to hate everything.
I hate it...and finally today I faced it....one on one with my fear, my needs, my wishes, my shortcomings and what not!. Okay then I admitted lets buy them!- Oh yes ...the latest single Illustrator CS3 ... is 600 buck. Thats my entire monthly rent. So there you go....but heres a thing I could still use my credit card...yeah right.....-x- to be ctd.........
At the same time I had been trying to avoid one most important part of my life that's supposed to define my future. Yes, the same thing again, my excessively elongated application process to grad school. and this whole sophisticated royal portfolio building process. Well, the truth is, I always have to go to my University to develop anything graphics. Cause thats the only place where I find peace in a form of Mac and ofcourse the latest Adobe suites always ready to let me play along.
God I hate it, no not them...not my favorite digital accessories. But the fact that I don't even have one fucking single genuine Adobe suite. Simply because I can't afford one at this time of my life. and I hate that so much. That everytime I want to create something I have to leave the comfort of my home, drive for 20 minutes in this below 20 degrees weather and eventaully reach the destination then feel awkward and cross fingers all through hopinng not to encounter any familiar faces. Its almost a stuggle for me. This journey of creating a portfolio. From the harsh weather to the long drive to the fear of coming across the people I hate to what not...god I seem to hate everything.
I hate it...and finally today I faced it....one on one with my fear, my needs, my wishes, my shortcomings and what not!. Okay then I admitted lets buy them!- Oh yes ...the latest single Illustrator CS3 ... is 600 buck. Thats my entire monthly rent. So there you go....but heres a thing I could still use my credit card...yeah right.....-x- to be ctd.........
Monday, January 21, 2008
oscar mania
I would absolutely hate it if Oscar didn't take place this year. Missing Golden Globe was such a slap on the face and if we didn't get to witness the Oscar it would be a disaster for me . I mean come on, what is life without those stars on the Earth. From George Clooney to Russel Crowe to all those I adore. Always a special treat to watch them live just the way they are and just the way I like them...This is the only time movie lovers like me get to see the true human side of these stars. Despite the fact that Oscars just overrated. A star studded theater to their winning speeches to the evening gowns. Starting from Red Carpet to that golden statuete. I would hate it if I didn't get to witness an oscar this time. I'm completely with the Writers Guild of America. I respect and support their fight ...but when it comes to oscar you've just got to bow down.
I'm sure they will come up with some kind of pact to let the Oscar take the stage.
Well there's so much I want to write about the movies I watched this year to the possible nominees. As I have to go to bed I hope to write about it some other day when I really feel like it. And when I'll have plenty of time to just talk and flaunt about actors and their characters.
So until next time.
This is whoever, whatever, wherever...however.. taking a leave and will be back if I feel like it...or else...thats just the way it is. Guess till then...you'll be waiting, wishing, thinking...and doing all the '-ings' and the '-angs'..yeah whatever that means again!
I'm sure they will come up with some kind of pact to let the Oscar take the stage.
Well there's so much I want to write about the movies I watched this year to the possible nominees. As I have to go to bed I hope to write about it some other day when I really feel like it. And when I'll have plenty of time to just talk and flaunt about actors and their characters.
So until next time.
This is whoever, whatever, wherever...however.. taking a leave and will be back if I feel like it...or else...thats just the way it is. Guess till then...you'll be waiting, wishing, thinking...and doing all the '-ings' and the '-angs'..yeah whatever that means again!
Sickie
Okay...lets face it...I thought life and I were never supposed to meet ever. The reason; I don't think theres anything that I enjoy about life. okay I admit, the rain, the air, the snow, trees, mountains, hills, water you just gotta lurve these stuff...but why living life is soo difficult. Yeah I know...life is perhaps the only chance from god bestowed on us to be able to make things different, to make better changes, to give happiness, share sadness...and what Not. I completely agree, without life I wouldn't even have been writing this blog in the first place. But what can I say, life hits you so hard at times, that instead of fighting back I just want to give up. Give up all my dreams and desires , give up my achievements, the possibilites of making things better. And surrender to everything that life has to offer. Complaining wouldn't take me anywhere and trying to make things better seem an endless endeavor to finish. Despite knowing the truth, I don't understand why I still hate being in this position. Hate living life at times. that feeling of wishing that you were dead. ..come to think of it...may be I don't even mean it...as bad. Or it lasts just for a split second. And I know that I'll have to refuel my brain, gear up the tissue cells and get it going. But seriously I wish things were simpler. I wish I never had to worry about how much I made and how much I spent. I wish I never had to worry about the minimum payements or the burden of loan in my head. Or I wish I was this rich person and could donate millions of dollars to the poor and still be happy with it.
True happiness lies in 'giving'. But looking at the srtuggle right now, I'm afraid that I'll never be able to give back to anybody in the truest sense. I know...I am just one of those bunch of fools desperately looking for answers utterly ignoring the fact that the answer lies within oneself. I even see it coming but how long would I have to wait i don't get it. I just turned 24 this November and I'm already feeling like life is slipping away from me, and still SO MUCH left undone. and So much hasn't even begun. and so much of it I still don't get it. Is it the questions that I am asking or the answers I am seeking. I'm not even sure about that.
True happiness lies in 'giving'. But looking at the srtuggle right now, I'm afraid that I'll never be able to give back to anybody in the truest sense. I know...I am just one of those bunch of fools desperately looking for answers utterly ignoring the fact that the answer lies within oneself. I even see it coming but how long would I have to wait i don't get it. I just turned 24 this November and I'm already feeling like life is slipping away from me, and still SO MUCH left undone. and So much hasn't even begun. and so much of it I still don't get it. Is it the questions that I am asking or the answers I am seeking. I'm not even sure about that.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Just what I was waiting for...or was it something I was avoiding...
Somehow today I gathered up all my courage and finally managed to visit my professors for the recommendations that I had been seeking for so long to wrap things up with my Master's Degree requirements. But before I could even think of a tad bit of progress a funny thing happened. Something I had never imagined. One of the colleges I was applying for was also RISD. and the moment my professor saw RISD- I must say he was a little taken a back. He was like..RISD - thats big..really BIG..and after a while he quite frankly said, "well intellectually speaking...I have to see your portfolio to fill out this form."
ANd THAT was the end of it all. WEll somehow I managed to pull up my URL that was created a long time ago. ANd well out of 9 ( I believe ) he only approved of three. That too with a reservation. hahaha...
and then he asked. why would I want to do my Master's in Graphic Design. and I was like...just casually 'cause I want learn more'.well well...a lot happened in that 20-min. brief meet. He ended up recommending me some books , even pursuaded me to redo my Undergrad in Graphic Design...as theres so MUCH i've missed..as I was never a Graphic Design Student ever. and doing Master's in Graphic Design is like doing a PHD. ANd undergrad in Graphic Design is in fact like doing Master's in Graphic Design. Well ofcourse I didn't at all get offended with what he had to say. Cause I know where I stand interms of this 'Graphic Design' thingy. SO theres certainly a possibility of new dramatic developments in my life. Either wait for another year to develop a strong portfolio (most probably going back to Nepal to create some- that would be a nice break as well - or may be this is just an excuse for me to visit my parents). Or just apply for other universities except RISD. So I don't know as yet.
It was such a beautiful day today. The sun was shining like anything up above with no single trace of cloud to ruin the day and the snow reflecting the rays of the sun back into your twinkling eyes..it was almost a perfect day ...yeah ALMOst a 'perfect day'. Though I honestly do not consider this day as any bad at all...infact it was quite an eye opener...and I thought meeting him did give me a perspective that I was so badly looking for in my life. Now I have no clue whats instored for me...I just hope that whatever I end up doing..it would be worth it. Something that I really like doing. but not just soemthing that I'll be doing for the sake of it or just to maintain my student-visa.
ThankYou God for everyday for making each one a lesson to learn. For making me stronger and more abled. For letting me be who I am. And for everything in life. ha-ha this one couldn't have come any later...
ANd THAT was the end of it all. WEll somehow I managed to pull up my URL that was created a long time ago. ANd well out of 9 ( I believe ) he only approved of three. That too with a reservation. hahaha...
and then he asked. why would I want to do my Master's in Graphic Design. and I was like...just casually 'cause I want learn more'.well well...a lot happened in that 20-min. brief meet. He ended up recommending me some books , even pursuaded me to redo my Undergrad in Graphic Design...as theres so MUCH i've missed..as I was never a Graphic Design Student ever. and doing Master's in Graphic Design is like doing a PHD. ANd undergrad in Graphic Design is in fact like doing Master's in Graphic Design. Well ofcourse I didn't at all get offended with what he had to say. Cause I know where I stand interms of this 'Graphic Design' thingy. SO theres certainly a possibility of new dramatic developments in my life. Either wait for another year to develop a strong portfolio (most probably going back to Nepal to create some- that would be a nice break as well - or may be this is just an excuse for me to visit my parents). Or just apply for other universities except RISD. So I don't know as yet.
It was such a beautiful day today. The sun was shining like anything up above with no single trace of cloud to ruin the day and the snow reflecting the rays of the sun back into your twinkling eyes..it was almost a perfect day ...yeah ALMOst a 'perfect day'. Though I honestly do not consider this day as any bad at all...infact it was quite an eye opener...and I thought meeting him did give me a perspective that I was so badly looking for in my life. Now I have no clue whats instored for me...I just hope that whatever I end up doing..it would be worth it. Something that I really like doing. but not just soemthing that I'll be doing for the sake of it or just to maintain my student-visa.
ThankYou God for everyday for making each one a lesson to learn. For making me stronger and more abled. For letting me be who I am. And for everything in life. ha-ha this one couldn't have come any later...
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Jan 12 , 2008
The first thing I did today as soon as I woke up (which ofcourse is my daily chores)- Checked the headlines from Nepal. And the news holding the title "Int’l job fair takes violent turn; Kantipur Publications too attacked" caught my attention right away. While reading the headline I thought it was probably just another frustrated people taking it to the streets for no valid reasons. But when I read the news mannn I felt sorry for the youths who attended that fair.
Well, the entrance fee was Rs 100 per head. And they also had to pay Rs 50,000 as the training fees inorder to 'get' the job in the first place. There were other requirements too but the '50,000' was the weiredest one of all. A total bullshit. I can understand, how hard it is in a country like ours to earn even Rs 100 a day and they were asking for 100 +. Perhaps for the first time I thought the agitation taken out to the organizers in our already chaotic world was absolutely valid and made sense. Its not fair to take advantage of frustrated people that way saying something and doing something else. And during the process Kantipur Publication building too was vandalized as they were the official media partner.
Well eventually one of the organizers decided to reimburse the ticket fee.
And here's the funny part. The Minister for Labour and Transport Management Ramesh Lekhak had inaugurated the fair promising some 1000 job offers mostly in India and abroad. WHat a total fiasco waht an ass that guy was....this shows people up above they don't do their homeworks they only know how to exploit people.
ANd heres the even more funnier than the funniest moment eof all even the main organizer (the same one who decided to refund the ticket fee)-
' Manager of the New Horizons, Dipak Pun told Kantipur FM Saturday afternoon: “We will refund the ticket fees as the fair has been cancelled.”'
He said- he himself was not aware about the money collected in the fair for whatever reasons.hhahaha....this got to be a piece worth incorporating in shows like 'late night show with......'
what hte fk was that...that man was one of the main organizers...and what the hell was that all about..like he 'didn't know' ......what a crap...for being an organizer it was his responsibility to look after all this...a total shit.....
Well, the entrance fee was Rs 100 per head. And they also had to pay Rs 50,000 as the training fees inorder to 'get' the job in the first place. There were other requirements too but the '50,000' was the weiredest one of all. A total bullshit. I can understand, how hard it is in a country like ours to earn even Rs 100 a day and they were asking for 100 +. Perhaps for the first time I thought the agitation taken out to the organizers in our already chaotic world was absolutely valid and made sense. Its not fair to take advantage of frustrated people that way saying something and doing something else. And during the process Kantipur Publication building too was vandalized as they were the official media partner.
Well eventually one of the organizers decided to reimburse the ticket fee.
And here's the funny part. The Minister for Labour and Transport Management Ramesh Lekhak had inaugurated the fair promising some 1000 job offers mostly in India and abroad. WHat a total fiasco waht an ass that guy was....this shows people up above they don't do their homeworks they only know how to exploit people.
ANd heres the even more funnier than the funniest moment eof all even the main organizer (the same one who decided to refund the ticket fee)-
' Manager of the New Horizons, Dipak Pun told Kantipur FM Saturday afternoon: “We will refund the ticket fees as the fair has been cancelled.”'
He said- he himself was not aware about the money collected in the fair for whatever reasons.hhahaha....this got to be a piece worth incorporating in shows like 'late night show with......'
what hte fk was that...that man was one of the main organizers...and what the hell was that all about..like he 'didn't know' ......what a crap...for being an organizer it was his responsibility to look after all this...a total shit.....
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