Being a woman

By Maya Angelou

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
something perfect to wear
if the employer, or date of her dreams
wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a youth she's content to leave behind....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a past
juicy enough that she's looking forward
to retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and...
a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
one friend who always makes her laugh..
and one who lets her cry....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a good piece of furniture
not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a feeling of control
over her destiny..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love
without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend,
without ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder...
and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...
but it's over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do...
for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.....
how to live alone...
even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
or a charming Inn in the woods....
when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
What she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month... and a year...


And I am all that except that I haven't yet owned eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and haven't yet mastered a recipe for a meal.The rest is all me.
Yes I rent my own place and have been living alone for quite sometime. And I absolutely LOOve it!
I do own a perfect something to wear for the date of my dream may be..although I'm not exactly aspiring for one.
I sure have a juicy past worthy enough to share it with my friends or my grandchildren for that matter!
and I am all about screwdrivers. Its a must haves in anyone's list - comes in handy!
Yes, I have friends who makes me laugh like crazy and also a few who makes me cry.
And so far whatever I've bought on my own has always only been mine. From furnitures to the latest gadgets.
I'm all about technology baby!
Yes, I know I control my own destiny! and I hope I always keep falling in love, still retaining the truest me. I love the feeling.
Yes, I plan to quit a job, have broken up with a lover, and have confronted my best friend without ruining the friendship.
There have been times- I have tried harder and times I have walked away. Walking away is tougher than the former. But once you do it, there's nothing in the world that can come close to the happiness it gives you. Set yourself free dahling!
Oh yes, I admit it there are certain things that's simply not within my control for example the nature of my parents! lol
hmm..what I would do for love and what I wouldnt' do for love.
Looks like I need to sort that out.
Yes, trusting someone is a very sensitive matter. and I wouldn't trust just anyone so easily.
Yes, I do have a place to go when I feel down and low

And EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..What she can and can't accomplish in a day...a month... and a year...
something else to keep in mind!

mann...I'm one hell of a phenomenal Woman!!!

How can Horoscopes be so accurate!

Like I haven't had enough of embarrassments in my life already! I am posting this to reaffirm my stupidity. Thought why not enjoy my state of imprudence while it lasts. At times there's simply no fun in being sane or wise. Therefore, to truly enjoy life you just have to let your innocence rule your world and yes embarrass yourself over and over again!. So that years from now I could have a laugh at this whole thing and puzzle myself all over again! and keep wondering why!!??$^$^

Nov 24, 2008
Today, much to your surprise, you will feel a very strong magnetic pull towards a person you've never met before. There is a reason that they interest you, and you've got to figure it out! So keep your eye on them, and while you can't exactly follow them around, just keep looking until you figure it out. There is something about them that you need in your life. They could be your inspiration, and you never even have to have a conversation with them.

Height of Insanity

Each CA member receives approximately RS 40,000 as monthly stipend.(According to a source altogether it comes to around Rs 60,000 per month when you add the miscellaneous figures. It's been more than six months, there hasn't been even an inch of development interms of the constitution-writing process. Not surprisingly, CA members themselves don't hesitate to accept the failure.

The Terai problem is aggravating. It's turning into a crisis while Kathmandu very conveniently manages to turn a deaf ear towards the Madhesis. The Maoist are on the verge of ideological separation. The interim government exists only for the heck of running the state hence anarchy still defines the law of our land. And amidst all this, trapped are the common people.
Hope lost. Dreams sabotaged. Inspiration never existed!

India 'gifted' a fleet of buses to ease the transportation need for the CA members. and now they have refused to use the service because the bus contains the imprint 'Gifted from the Government of India' painted on its surface. The members believe - using such provisions would mean giving a way to the Indians intervention in the national matters. However, according to the Nepali Times article (Issue 21 NOV 2008 - 27 NOV 2008) they are ready to compromise if the officials erase the prominently displayed Indian flag from the bus. Another point to be noticed:
'employees at the secretariat claim that the inability of the government to provide facilities led them to ask India for help.'

As if Rs 40,000 a month (per member) was not enough that they were forced to take this step.
I am convinced. Nepal will never change. Unless the Nepalese give it a shot. And clearly those who are on the frontline- don't give a shit! Hence, why would anybody in the world care. Do I?- No. Do you? I don't think so.

Its your right to ignore friend-request in the facebook

I don't think its just 'ok' to ignore friend-request in the facebook. Its your right to ignore people if you don't want them around. And I sure have no qualms about it. Two of my ex-boyfriends tried adding me multiple times. and I was like- are you kidding me!. Seriously..if you still need to add your ex-girlfriend as one of your friends. You need to get a life. A good one for sure. Especially if she was the one who dumped you!

For those of you who have more than enough time to surf around here's soemthing to read about facebook friends:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27775484/?GT1=43001

My non-typical Wednesday morning

Its really ironic how my Wednesday morning turned out. Its been about more than a few weeks. I've been feeling like God has been sending me signs.
Just yesterday I called up my parents to find out how they were doing. And I was telling my father how much I hated doing MBA. On the contrary though- he thought it was a better choice for me. I remember long time ago pitching this idea to my father about going to certain places within Nepal for certain reasons. Then he said: it wasn't safe because of the Maoist conflict. Eight years from then - they have joined the government. And it is still not safe. I'm sure he would give me the same crap if I told him about my real intentions. As I was taking shower yesterday - it was once again all coming back to me.
Does it mean I am safe because I am here in America. I could die all of a sudden without getting a chance to say a word to my parents. They would probably regret it for the rest of their lives for suggesting me to keep staying in the US as long as I could.

Yeah so thats what I was thinking yesterday. And what do you know- this morning I got into a major car accident. It was just another wednesday. It was just another day- The traffic light turned green and there I was crossing the intersection. and ..just a split second before I really got 'hit' I saw the car coming towards my side (driver's side). And baam!!...it happened. That car hit my car....but I still wasn't aware of the happening...or may be I just blacked out - now that I look back- all that I could see was my car- spinning...windshield cracking-......and there I was...still holding on to the steering wheel...and unaware...finding it reallly really hard to comprehend. That I was infact a victim in an accident. Then I barely remember what happened. I pulled over to the side. Tried opening the door but couldn't - realized it was really badly crushed. Then called my colleague at the office- I was weeping (haha)- and I am so thankful to those people who stayed to be a witness. I wasnt just witnessing an accident. I was a part of the accident. and it was and still is so diffcult to comprehend. I could have really died today. The car seriously got hit bad. The last time I saw my car- the rear end was just falling apart. Driver's side crushed into pieces. Don't know how I got out of there alive. So when my friends came in - By that time - I thought I was getting senses back. Also found it funny for a while. Now four hours later...I'm gradually realizing that what a close call it was. I could have seriously died. And I can't seem to stop the tears.I guess, life does give you a whole new opportunity to live it up again.

So Thank you god for the second chance.
Thank You my people for being there for me.

P.S: I think I just found a good reason to emotionally blackmail my parents. But above all - found a reason why God gave me another chance.
and no..it wasn't my fault- I was following the traffic rules :)

I can never get enough of this!

Lincoln's letter to his son's teacher.

He will have to learn, I know,
that all men are not just,
all men are not true.
But teach him also that for every scoundrel there is a hero.
That for every selfish politician, there is a dedicated leader.
Teach him that for every enemy there is a friend.
Steer him away from envy, if you can.
Teach him the secret of quiet laughter.

Let him learn early that the bullies are the easiest to lick.
Teach him, if you can, the wonder of books.
But also give him quiet time to ponder the eternal mystery of birds in the sky, bees in the sun, and the flowers on a green hillside.

In the school teach him it is far honorable to fail than to cheat.
Teach him to have faith in his own ideas even if everyone tells him they are wrong.
Teach him to be gentle with gentle people and tough with the tough.

Try to give my son the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone is getting on the band wagon.
Teach him to listen to all men.
But teach him also to filter all he hears on a screen of truth and take only the good that comes through.

Teach him if you can, how to laugh when he is sad.
Teach him there is no shame in tears.
Teach him to scoff at cynics and to beware of too much sweetness.
Teach him to sell his brawn and brain to the highest bidders but never to put a price-tag on his heart and soul.

Teach him to close his ears to a howling mob and to stand and fight if he thinks he’s right.
Treat him gently, but do not cuddle him because only the test of fire makes fine steel.

Let him have the courage to be impatient.
Let him have the patience to be brave.
Teach him always to have sublime faith in himself because then he will have sublime faith in mankind.

This is a big order, but see what you can do.
He is such a fine fellow, my son !

The no.1 takeaway message from 2008 American political campaign

So the election came and went. Media all over the world treated it nothing less than a world celebration. Talk shows got whole new reasons to mock the candidates. Subsequently, the humor also managed to tickle the Americans' funny bones.
At the end Obama won. And now what. Thats a big question. I think we are all too familiar with Obama's idea of 'change' which is more limited to just an image of change in a way. He in fact doesn't promise to divert away from the current administration but what he does plan to do is: make things right. But whatever is the case I don't really care. However, fortnately or unfortnately, it does effect the way I think, the way I live..man...you can't get away from their influences!

For the world- it could mean living under an illusion that he would improve the world economy or he would pay more attention to the degrading envrionmental problems...and yaadi yaadi yaadaas...But whatever it could mean for the world, there are certain things about 2008 American election campaign that shall remain embedded in my brain for quite sometime. Listed below are Top 10 points/quotes/just about anything associated one way or the other with this election - that me likes...or also find funny, a bit questionable, a bit stupid and in every way 100% entertaining.


10) 'The chickens are coming home to roost' - Rev. Jeremiah Wright (Obama's Pastor)
9) Joe the plumber
8) Alaska - reappearing in the world map
7) Michelle Obama and her style statement
6) McCain the crybaby
5) Obama campaign expenditure $200 million, McCain campaign expenditure-$100 million
4) 'I can see Russia from my house!' - Tina Fey gettng creative courtesy Palin
3) Palintology
2) Palin's Russian neighbors.
1) ....and....Ladies and gentlemen the very best part of 2008 American election: (drumroll)
Witnessing the hottest of the Hot! Obama Girl (courtesy:barelypolitical.com)
Check out the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKsoXHYICqU

The rest may have been crap but the lesson I learnt from the point no.1) We should do something similar in Nepali politics ;)

(Some of the)Things I find funny

This time its got to do with American politics (lately - every funny things- got to do with American politics). In fact I am fnding this tug of war between McCain/Palin and Obama/Biden quite entertaining. In fact it was still funny when the parties hadn't yet nominated their candidates for Presidentship. Must say, I absolutely relished - fights between Obama and Hillary - as far as Democrats are concerned.
On the Republican side: the contest among McCain, Mitt Romney, Mike Huckabee and Ron Paul. Am I missing anyone?..well at least these were the candidates made popular by the American media.

Given below are the two accounts of whats lately been happening. The first one is associated with the actor Matt Damon and the second one is of a journalist named John Kelly from BBC travelling across America, to understand Americans expectations from the November election.

Matt's reaction:
In an all new interview, Matt Damon says Sarah Palin in the White House is a "terrifying possibility!" "I don't understand why more people aren't talking about how absurd it is."
Damon tells The Associated Press that if Senator John McCain doesn't survive his first term in the White House, there will be a President Palin. "It's like a really bad Disney movie," Matt says about the possibility of Palin as Commander in Chief, "The hockey mom, you know, 'Oh, I'm just a hockey mom from Alaska'…and she's facing down President Putin [of Russia]."
Matt goes on, "I think that pick [Sarah Palin] was for political purposes. But in terms of governance it's a disaster."

Video Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6urw_PWHYk

I recommend you to watch the video. The way he said it: damn..nobody could have had pulled that off so well!!. Funny element no. 1
---
Now on to Funny element no. 2

Source: John Kelly Blog

I got talking to Jordan Peagler, a 21-year-old student in a flowing CND logo-print dress. I took it as read that she, like everyone else round here, must be a true-blue Democrat - if not a Green or a Yippie or some such. But I was wrong. Jordan, who had moved here from Savannah, Georgia, liked the look of another new girl in town. "I guess I'm undecided," she told me. "But I like the look of Sarah Palin. I like her style and her manner. "I'm a fiscal conservative and an economic liberal. "But some of my friends lost members of their family on 9/11. That will weigh heavily on the decision I make, and I think that pulling all the troops out of Iraq at this time isn't the way to go right now."

It's an apposite point, today of all days, though not everyone in Venice would concur. But that's the thing with California. Why should it have to agree with anyone else?

Now hear comments from people:

At 12:11pm on 11 Sep 2008, Malaka57 wrote:
I am losing all hope, here: Ms. Jordan Peagler is "a fiscal conservative and an economic liberal," and she lost family on 9/11, so we should stay in Iraq. And she is a student? Of what, I must ask. The state of education in the US is in worse shape than I even thought...
Here's why: The GOP has turned a budget surplus into a 8 TRILLION dollar deficit in 8 years. That is fiscal mania. They are not economic liberals by a long shot, they are beholden to the YOYO system of conservative governance (you are on your own). As for Iraq: Has she not yet gotten the message that Saddam had nothing to do with 9/11 and we have squandered lives plus hundreds of billions in that poor country? And she is voting for the same?
I am nonplussed, I'll say that.
--
At 12:37pm on 11 Sep 2008, Rayzer1978 wrote:
Malaka57 - you beat me to it!
You cannot be a fiscal conservative at the same time as being a economic liberal! She must have heard those phrases off TV and thought they sounded clever! As for 9/11 and Iraq? She must solely rely on Fox News for her info... So much for a new generation of voters...

--Also hear this:
At 12:55pm on 11 Sep 2008, andydavids wrote:
"How can you be fiscal conservative and economically liberal? Does she even know shes contradicting herself in the same sentence?" I think she means she supports a government that is in favour of a free market and dropping trade tarifs and also cuts taxes and limits public spending. Its not the clearest sentence in the world but its meaning isn't too hard to work out. Agreed, typical British comment, criticise her as inferior because she expresses an opinion. Maybe the conservatives are known as the nasty party, but perhaps the UK should be known as the nasty country.

-- The end of Funny elements --

Yes, of course! I enjoy documenting all this- for my own record. However the greatest joy lies in being able to make fun of it. As an outsider I can afford to laugh at it. But poor Americans. This whole political fiasco taking palce since the beginning of the primaries. They'll just Have to deal with it somehow, anyhow.

and ....once again...god!! its funny. Although I am not sure if anybody can beat our folks back home. They are on the other hand- an utter disappointment. But guess there's no harm in taking it all just in zest.

Poem

Source: Charlie Rose

The poem was recited by Iranian visual artist (now lives in New York) Shirin Neshat. An original work of another Iranian activist Simina bahane (I think thats how she pronounced the name).
Have eaten up some words as I didn't necessarily heard it properly. Please forgive me if I am completely misspelling (Which I believe so) the name of the poetess.

My Country I will build you again

My Country I will build you again
If need be with bricks made from my life
I will build columns to support your roof
If need be with my bones
I will inhale again the perfume of flowers flavored by your youth
I will wash again the blood of your body
with ........of my tears
once more the darkness will leave this house
I will paint my poems blue with the color of our sky
Old I may be but given the chance
I will learn
I will begin the second youth alongside my ,,,??
I will recite a habib?Hizab?.. a love of country
with such ferver as to make each word be alive
There still burns a fire in my breast
To keep undiminished the wounds of kinship
I feel for my people
Once more you will grant me strength
Though my poems have settled in blood
Once more I will build you with my life
Though it be beyond my mean.

Dreams like these.......

An excerpt from Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi-The story begins with the political upheal taking place in India around late 60s stretches all through mid-70s. The naxalite movement of West Bangal (Their version of the communist movement back in the 70s).
(This is not an introduction to the movie- I am only trying to record the two letters written to the female protagnist (Geeta) by the two different individuals in love with her. Trying to showcase the two realities. I am almost enchanted by the paradox of life portrayed in this film. Although as far as the movie goes-my favorite is the one played by Shiny Ahuja, the character of Vikram. And I wish I was as brave as Siddharth. But when you watch the movie- you realize. It's Geeta who's the constant force behind it all. And as a woman I loved the ending of this film. It would honestly be an an honor if I ever get to lead the life lived by Geeta.

Letter from Siddharth to Geeta:

Dear Geeta,
Calcutta was awe-inspiring. I am now back in Delhi. My beliefs totally strengthened. We have to change the world. And change it fundamentally. You know, I always knew the facts. But when I met the mothers and widows of thousands of students who had sacrificed their lives during the Naxalite movement I felt completely humbled. They were the best and the brightest of Bengal. But instead of taking the comfortable roads their parents had laid down for them. They went down the dirt and the muddy roads to the villages to end the vulgarity of oppression. The violence of the oppressed is right. The violence of the oppressors is wrong. And do hell with this. I mean, weren't Bhagat Singh's action correct. It made me think of ourselves I mean, who do we think we are. Touting?? around...shouting radical jargons??..little politics, some rock and roll. But mostly shock value. Isn't it shameful that I Siddharth T. The son of a muslim father and a Hindu-Bengali mother can neither speak Urdu nor Bengali. My parents did not give me the one thing of value that they could. This has to change. Geeta now I've become the card-holder of the party. Eventually you must also.
More when you get back.
Love
Siddhartha

Letter from Vikram to Geeta:

Dear Geeta,
First thing's first, I still love you. I am still stuck because the trains have been cancelled due to the hindu-muslim rivalry. This time its not so bad only 38 dead......but most of the town doesn't give a shit. What really gets everyone excited here is the news that the local hardware merchant's daughter ran away with their cook. Some of the family members finally caught him and put him in a pot and boiled him. Just kidding they only castrated him. This state of affairs only worries my father. Thirty of his Gandhian collegues, 70 socialists and hundred and two ?. Being worried is my father's main profession. He should have worried more about us though. And we wouldn't have been stuck at the lower end of the great middle class. Which is why I can't understand you rich kids playing this lets change the world game. While you're looking for a way out I am looking for a way in..into your heart I mean.
See you soon
Love
Vikram

For fun and for lessons

ANd I thought- I might as well poke a little fun to this one- the guy there (comment section) - is saying - 'tero karan le aile samma mero jara tati ra chha..paramanande'

haha..English Translation: because of you I am still raged with anger! and wou!..what a piece of art- gotta say it- deserves a Nobel prize for graphic art!

If he's so hot about it- He should join the army or join some vain-fighter's group to pour out the anger (It would sure help him pshychologically too) rather than just limiting the hot discussion only within the facebook. People seriously get your own piece of mind. Whats the point of having a generation who can't even think for themselves, the one who can easily be influenced by agitators' vested agendas...and run along. Come on people- seriously- save that energy and utilize it for something good.

I am soo never talking about this again.

The Olympic, the US, The Rest of The World and Being a Nepali

Its not surprising that almost every blog of mine contains an American element. Ranging from the kinds of people living here to the beauty this country has to offer. To its degrading economy, to the politics so interesting. Absolutely everything, from Obama, to McCain to the Lakers to the Celtics. More than calling it just an American-centric...I call it having a world-view..with a tad bit of influence from America. Since the day I have stepped in here, all of a sudden I feel I have been detached from the world outside. At times my behavior seems to have been inclined towards becoming more pro-america than pro-world. America is one country that has really managed to isolate itself from the world celebrations.
For example, majority of the Americans don't care when the world celebrates the Women's day, or the Tobacco-free day,or the Fifa cup for that matter. They have their own set of games, which I must say is a strong part of their culture. That takes place as often as the festivals we have back home (you would know what I mean, if you hailed from a typical newar family based in Kathmandu like me - we always have something going on every month). So, its the same in American's case as well. Sports is a part of their blood. Boy oh boy, are they seriously original when it comes to having their own special sports, from American soccer, to the baseball...to a lot more. The world loves football, but Americans are hardly interested. Even David Bekham hasn't been successful in influencing the entire US. So forget the Cricket. The only cricket team that I know exists in the United States of America is of Microsoft that too - full of Indians, or Indian/Asian-Americans.
Hence, for all these reasons, nowadays I seem to enjoy super bowl more than the World cup. I have fallen in love with a few basketball players of the NBA. The kind of sport I never even bothered to pay attention to back home.

So coming back to the olympic fever, while watching the basketball match between China and USA, I was seriously missing out the punch and the womph that I witnessed during the NBA finals. FOr God's sake its the Olympic!!!...the God of the games...but nahh...wasn't so up for it. Clearly cause I am living in America, which gives more hype and interest to its nation/state-wide games than the internationals. International developments are least of their concern. For example,You can evidently see the difference in the BBC World news and the World news with Charles Gibson that airs in the abc news. The world of difference between America and the outside world is more visible living in America than anywhere else.

So while I was watching the olympic opening ceremony - at the beginning I couldn't wait to witness the Nepalese team. As I kept watching I noticed, the commentators would also add a bit information about the country. SO out came- the delegates of Mauritania (African country situated at North-western part of Africa). Just recently the Mauritanian govt. was overthrown by the Military coup. And that's what the commentators mentioned. Which kind of got me worried, so what would they say, when the Nepalese delegates step in. Damn...the country that hasn't yet formed a govenment itself!..hmm..that was my closest guess. So before it was time for Nepal to grace the Bird's Nest. Few European countries slowly made their way to the grand stadium. They were not alphabetically synchronised, it was in fact managed interms of the chronological Mandrine symbols. So came Poland, Netherlands, Brazil..(I am placing it randomly here)...and strangely I had a sense of pride while the respective delegates walked through. The only reason was because the kind of work I do is more international-based...and some of the countries that I work for also happen to be Brazil, Turkey, Denmark, Netherlands..and so forth. I had this bizzare feeling that since I cater to the people of those countries- felt like they were also representing a bit of me (A big sign that Nepal urgently needs to renew or work on its Nationalist views among its own population). During the process I was also thinking about, how proud Chinese people must have had been witnessing the grandness...just everything. See, this is what China has been doing to renew their Nationalism, to make the citizens of its country proud.(But at what cost?- shall post a separate write-up on that one someday- but this is specifically only about Olympics). So what has the government of my country done. Only created unnecessary political instability, fueled furthur violence, assisted in the downhill spiral of the economy..whatelse...just everything happening right now. I am a proud citizen of my country and will always be regardless of what happens. But I don't want to be the person proud for what my country stands for right now. I want to be proud of its people, its generosity, the hospitality. I also want to be proud of its economy, its development. My country don't need to organize events as big as Olympics to make me proud. All that I want is, my country to stand on its own feet. That's all I need at the moment.

So getting back to business...when the Nepalese team eventually graced the stadium- the commentators said- Nepal, the home of the Mount Everest. Phwee..I breathed the sigh of relief. Not because they mentioned the mighty Mt. Everest. Its because they didn't talk about the political mess taking place in the country. Thank God...trust me a good publicity is always a better publicity than a bad one. Regardless of what they say when it comes to publicity factor. Trust me I don't want no- news like govt. sacrificng the goats to help national carrier take off..or Nepal Arilines: using the image of Peru (photo of the Inca ruins of Machu Picchu ) in the poster to publicize the beauty of Nepal (such a WTF-moment).

And yes, I missed something while the flag bearer (Deepka Bista) was proudly carrying the flag and maneuvering back and forth. I was proud but there was a bit of sadness to it. I felt like it wasn't able to match to the feeling that arose while I was watching the Polish delegates walking up the stage. Seeing Nepalese team was a mix of both happiness and a bitterness as well as it was a reminder that the only urgent matter at the moment is the development of the nation. Regardless of how unimportant or important the Olympic is for people of the world. Its one melting pot where each and every nation of the country is represented and seeing my own piece of world in a world stage, sadly, my heart was everything but ecstatic. It was like a slap on my face - that said- Its time to go home!

American team was donning Ralph Lauren...I learned - all thanks to the American commentators plus a clearly visible RL logo. This made me switch to Nepali team and give a thought about who could have had designed their outfits. Does the world seriously give a damn?..No, it could have had been just another random tailor from Putalisadak or Ason Bazar. How do the international arena recognise us?- just as one of the poorest countries of the world- a third world country - as they say. It used to make me sad while I was growing up - It makes me even more sad- now that I have so called 'grown up' at least interms of my parents' perspective.
People its time to really think about it- not ignore. Its time to invest, not just money, but also your knowledge. Politics might never take a better shape in our country. But let us do what we can - once again to renew our pride that defines us as the proud Nepali.

Trust me when I say this: there is no place like home. There is nowhere in this world that can replace the essence of our country or being one of us. Not even the super powers of the world.
and getting back to the Olympic game: yep, thats the last thing I am worried about. Olympic is equal to just another minor international event - that Americans hardly care of...and at the moment neither do I. I am sure it would have been a different case if I was in Nepal!

It's a change - I seek

There used to be a time, where going out late at night was relativey safe back home. Regardless of which part of Nepal you were in, you at least didn't have to worry about getting killed in a communal violence. And today here I am, far away from home. Hear a depressing news, the degrading condition at the terai region of Nepal, the parties taking forever to build the government. The anarchy running wild, people still being killed in the name of religion, in the name power,in the name of every little pathetic excuse that they could come up with. In fact its just a piece of news that I manage to feed myself every day. Sad part is, it has taken a shape of my own life. Its a story that I seem to be piecing together, to turn it into a history. And I feel so ashamed of myself. very helpless rather. Listening to Rage against the machine. I know how to bang my head while I am working. The last hting I am worried about is, what would I haev today for dinner. In any given day if I ever go hungry - its not because I couldn't afford to have a simple meal of a day. Either its because I was too lazy to cook or because I didn't wish to drive and eventually go out to eat. The veggies rot in my referegerator, cause I seriously am lazy when it comes to cooking. I order food from outside, throw away the halfof it. The reason is simple, I wasn't too hungry or I can afford to waste food. If my laptop breaks down at the office. I have the right to complain, the next day, I'll have the brand new machine waiting for me in my cube. Here nobody cares what I am wearing,or thinking or dating. although the fuel price is soaring, I've never bothered about to check how much it cost per gallon- American economy is taking a downhill but thats the least of my concern. Though I have been closely paying attention to the present world economy. I am just another regular young 24-year-old from Kathmandu, Nepal. and here I am living completely on my own. Living my dreams, with full rights to whatever I want in my life. But someone of my own age back home, is probably living life contrary to mine.

Is it seriously that hard for the politiicans to find out how critical the situation is. Is it seriously something they can't figure out when its unfolding right in front of them. Do they seriously have to wait for the order of the Indian govt. every freaking time to make a decision? I am outraged, I am dissapointed, I want to make a difference. But I don't know how...and I wonder is that the country that I want to eventually go back to. Quite strange enough- the answer has always been yes- but with no political stability I do wonder if I will be just another statistic who would get lost in the social quagmire as soon as I return home. I see an immense prospect but I barely see the potential transforming into anything Kinetic (such a crappy phrase). But regardless of what happens - I know I am going back! and every day my conviction takes a sronger shape. and I hope that its the same with everyone else of my age at least...spread across the world. If we don't bring the change I don't know who would in our own territory.

Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.

For some reason I don't know how to begin this. After that intense argument in the facebook (which apparently wasn't even an argument..it was just one big misunderstanding but both of us were on the same page). Plus the unnecessary nationwide anti-VP ptotest. I thought I had to write it down.

In this world I may not know what I eventually want to do in life. But there's one thing I am very much sure of. Living in Nepal and commenting -is poles apart from living in the US and voicing your opinion. I really have no grudges against those (from Kathmandu specifically) who tell me to mind my own business. I still remember that day somewhere close to DC. I was visiting my mama and maiju at Richmond. We went to this Nepali gathering,..the place was mostly full of Newars. And was quite a mix of the rest of the tribes (if I may say so). I think it was the celebration of the new year 2008. That was my very first official gathering with the NRNs (I am assuming more than 50% of them were Greencard holders if not official NRNs). So people were talking, youngsters..flirting..children playing, elders discussing politics...may be. Seeing all that, from more of a bird's eye view. I knew Exactly what I DIDn't want to be in life. I knew I didn't want to be the person holding a wineglass, standing in style, trying hard to be 'proper' and speaking about Nepali politics...above all pouring greviences about the poor condition of Nepal. I knew in my heart, I would never in my life ever want to end up like them. Oh yes they had money...they were doctors, engineers, they were everything that possibly defined or entailed the term 'rich' in Nepal. And for some reason - I was a little disgusted. and now I know why. Living in Kathmandu is a pain, its depressing...always a chakajaam, always people taking it to the streets for minute little things. I've been through that myself. And I know how it feels..and all that you want to do is run away. One of the reasons why I came to study in America, is also cause I wanted to escape from the chaotic world.
And after three years of my arrival in America. Working and studying, then graduating and now having a job. Everyday I wake up - with the feeling of going back to the country for good. Everyday my conviction takes a stronger root to return home.

America for me has been an eye-opener. It has empowered me to be who I am and celebrate my originality. During the first year in the US...I was heavily writing in different Nepali forums or blogs. It was a product of homesickness, plus the love for the country. I could detach myself from all that was happening and see things in an overall perspective. And talk about how I felt for everything taking place back home. SO initially I thought- this intense feeling of wishing to go back for good was just a temporary phenomenon. I thought it only had to do with homesickness...and another year came by. I decided to stop arguing with people in forums. Mainly because I was accused of living somewhere else in the comfort of some other govt's facilities and uncontrollably commenting spree. Hence I stopped, I analysed my circumstances. and I realised they were true. It's easy for me to be here in America..and tell people to calm down. Cause trust me, if you are in Nepal. Where nothing around you is moving in the right direction. Its hard for you to take a deep breath, calm down, and feel comfortable amidst the. Hence I stopped voicing my opinion. Then I thought okay...so it would also change my mind regarding going back home anytime soon. But it wasn't to be so. The soil was already so fertile that the plant just had to take a shape.

SO what happened in the facebook?(which ofcourse compelled me to write this- once again after a long time-I see an opinionated-me gradually waking up). well it all started with our VP swearing in Hindi. Controversy had already sparked back home. ANd I for one was sitting quiet. I was thinking more of the 'other' parts of the Nation- nowhere focusing in Kathmandu. Although, neither was I taken by surprise. Not because I necessarily support or don't support what he did. But because I knew the behavior, or the thought process of the majority of the Nepalese spread across the world. Yes, we are all hypocrites. It wasn't a big deal for me at all, but for the rest of the world sadly it was. If some VP to-be had a good intention to lead the country in a prosperous path, but unfortunately if he never grew up lets say in Kathmandu, but lets suppose spent most of his life in France. ANd can't fluently speak in Nepali, so he decides to do it in French. Does it mean he is a sinner. No, but ofcourse...he would have had certainly thought about giving hte oath in Nepali as well. If he really understood Nepal, that how sensitive the situation is in Nepal, and sadly how pathetic the people are. He wouldn't have had taken this step. He had a complete right to do it proudly in whatever language he preferred in a new Democratic Republic State of Nepal. But while doing it, he forgot to do a proper study and failed to predict the repurcussion. SO you see nobody is at fault. Nepal just happens to be a country where majority of people can't think. Regardless of what is right or what is wrong- if 10 people say there is a flie on the wall , even if there isn't. There is INDEED a flie on the wall, even if one person disagrees a 100 times. Sad- the truth in the world is defined by the majority vote. Sad - people of Nepal loves living under the illusion that Nepal is still untouched by the influences of India. Was it even worth it. It was a complete waste of time, it was utterly a useless issue that became successful in diverting the nation's attention. I hope this would be the last time I would be talking about it. oh yeah one more thing- as for our VP being a criminal or corrupt. For God's sake...who on earth isn't corrupt in Nepali politics. So who would you choose anyway..haha...guess he is innnocent until proven guilty. If the Maoist have joined the alliance, the cause of 1000s of people's death in Nepal (also ofcourse the old regime), why not the VP too. Who on earth is corrupt-free in Nepal, whether its Nepal Army ..or the former PM himself... I mean come on!! do you seriously want me to go on?

Therefore, please this is my sincere request. Have your own piece of mind - just because 1000s other think its wrong doesn't necessarily makes it wrong- don't ignore the possibility of certain issue being right. We don't just want Nepal to have the 'new' as its prefix. We want people to generate and have that new, sensible open-mindset starting from themselves. And please remember this precious words by Gautam Budhha:
Peace comes from within
Do not seek it without.
If you know what I mean ;)

What I want to be

I find it strange how people just KNOW what they want to be way before they graduate from the school itself, way before they even know how old they are, or in women's case way sooner than their very first menstrual cycle starts running. Or in men's case- way before their testosterones begin kicking. In a contrary must say I was different. To my teachers dismay I never knew what I wanted to be. What's even stranger is - I was still not sure even after my ISC if I seriously wanted to pursue Engineering. And I was still cotemplating if I really wanted to be a journalist, during my Bachelor's years. If not at all a journalist atleast a media person of some sort. Well I just wasn't sure!
But somehow I did get away with it pretty easily pretending to love what I was studying esp. in front of my parents. Because right after my ISC 2nd year. I had already confessed it to my father about my wish to 'write' and possibly be a journalist.

I never realized it back then that children tend to wish to be what they see, what they hear. They are more influenced by what they have been told than what they ultimately want to do in life. That very realization arrived ridiculously late in my life. The will to make my own decision and just be what I want to be. Believe me when I say this - I still didn't know what I wanted to be even till a semester ahead of my graduation (now that was back in 2007- in the US).

So lets rewind it back to the year 2005 Dec - So one fine day of 2005 Dec I went to the US in order to explore the world, experience the so called freedom while continuing my Bachelor's degree in Mass Communications with an emphasis on Public Relations. THIS time to MY dismay I found out - neither was PR my cup of tea. It was devastating. So what in the world that I wanted do or be I asked myself everyday - without being too positive, as I knew the answer wouldn't come so easy. So finally I was only a semester away from my official graduation day. I had a couple of design classes back then. This time to my surprise I was truly enjoying the work, I was wholeheartedly putting in effort to gain A+. Most importantly instead of forcing myself to do things-it was just easily coming to me. I loved it. At the end of the semester I even got A!!(Although that's not truely a surprise..as all my life I have been an A student) Yeah yeah!!...so finally I felt that I could not just feel but also touch my destiny. I thought of changing my major- but again that would mean about another a little more than a year long course. Now who would go through all that. Working and studying. I didn't think I could go through the ordeal. Rather decided tod o Graphic Design for my Master's level. Which I'm still waiting for.

Just a month after my graduation (August 2007) I got a job. This may not be the world's best job but is helping me to pay my bills. And thats all I need at the moment. Oh yes, one more thing- I didn't get H1B visa. I was planning to redo my Bachelor's in Graphic Design- as a part time student- well things didn't quite turn out the way I had expected. Was I devastated??..hhaha...If I don't get things done my way- I'm always shattered into pieces. SO yes, it did hurt. One way or the other- time always manage to heal the wounds though. That's what its been in my case. Moreover, its not the end of the world. So I am glad to be alive atleast.

As for that ultimate question: what do I want to be when I grow up?
I recently found out- I always knew what I wanted to be. I simply wasn't strong enough to accept the fact. Oh yes- Graphic Design is definitely a catalyst that stirs up my creative side. But besides that..theres more to what I just simply want to do. My aim for me was more than just a phrase that said - 'what-I-Wanted-To-Be'.
Neither did it quite conveniently fit into the conventional 'work area' I guess. Now come to think of it, all along I was doing exactly what I wanted.
Someday I wish to go back to college again to complete my Bachelor's in Engineering- which I never started. Hopefully that way I'll learn to impact more people at once in the rural areas of my country. As for Journalism- writing may not be my cup of tea. But I must say- somewhere, somehow I am really drawn to this profession. Which I consider it to be more than just a typical 'profession'- for me - its a religion. its the enlightner, its the bridge between you and me, its who we are, its how we portray things. Its everything. I suck big time at writing. If one day I seriously plan to improve my writings -Development Journalism is certainly one field I would like to tread on.
Meanwhile - I shall continue to pursue.
So this time I am resting my fingers hoping that if I die someday- I shall not regret that I never knew who I truely was and what I wanted to do or wanted to be.

Keeping the hope alive.

Listening to Gagan Thapa today was not necessarily informative. He wasn't saying anything that I didn't know. But somwhere I could feel a mix of desperation and undieing spirit as the interview progressed. I was still craving for the moment that would at least a bit inspire me. If not leave me hopeless. (This was the very first interview of his that I had come across) I've never heard him speak, but have heard he is a great speaker. But world knows, great speakers do not always make a good politician. Still having said that its important to have a strong communications skills for politicans to interact with people of its own and the people outside.

And yes, as I was listening and listening trying my best to make sense of the words he was uttering. Somewhere at the mid section he shared his experience of visiting almost 60 to 65 districts in Nepal post April Uprising. About his wish to understand his own world better. And how his visits to these places had renewed his silent spirit. Witnessing once again the people wanting to see the change in the country. At one place (I think he was referring to - Gulmi)...a village that has never gotton the oppurtunity to reap the fruit of advanced technology. There were people all young and old waiting for him to grace the stage and speak. He was 6 hrs late and was perhaps guessing if anyone at all would be present to listen to what he had to say. Well, to his surprise - they were there impatiently waiting for things to happen.

At the end he confessed the reality- that how desperately people are waiting for the answers. They may still be poor but still have faith - faith in the party, faith in the government, the people., the country. And its us who have to keep their hope alive.
I wish everyone else felt the same - especially the young generation.

Top of the World

My brain works so fast that by the time I decide to jot things down. I tend to forget what my mind had been thinking. Its strange, I find it difficult to keep up with my own brain. For a long time I've been thinking of competely nailing this part of me. A part of me that seems to so quickly forget what I was speaking or thinking. I wonder if I have some sort of brain disorder - that pushes me away from being sharp. Or I don't know if its because of the growing inconfidence in me. Which I have been trying gradually to get rid of.
So yes, this coming weekend is one my colleagues bachelorette party. I have been invited too, but nope I am not going. The reason?- There is no reason. I am just not feeling like it. In fact I had been planning to bury myself in a pile of books. Constantly reading to get away from the real world for a change. Although, I must say I always tend to disappaear from the world I know- with the help of my newly bought DSLR or watching movies. But this week I thought, lets remain grounded while trying to escape away to an unreal world. Lets make it surreal.
So yes, reading is so totally in my radar this weekend. In fact I am starting right away. I went straight to barnes and nobles to buy the book- Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.
Looks like I'll thoroughly enjoy going through this philosohical journey.
Before I wrap this up. Want to mention a few things- I had been reading Obama's Audacity of Hope. Believe it or not. I couldn't read it after two to three-page. Every time I tried reading - I would feel that I shoud have had first read his first book. When I tried reading his first offering I wasn't getting soo into it either. Which is a must for me to be able to finish reading. I hope to finish Audacity of Hope right after Zen. Lets see how it goes. If I feel like it, perhaps I'll join in again to jot down few lines from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle maintenance!

and oh yes...this idea of getting back to the good old habit of reading again is making me feel like I am on the top of the world!...and..I'm lovin' it!

Young blood

I am not a regular blogger neither am I a very ardent blog reader. But I do manage to visit various political blogs lets say atleast three to four times a month. Just when I feel like I want to kind of get into people's mind.

So anyway...today...I ended up visiting UWB again. I was going through some old stuff and this one was dated Feb 24, 2006, it was titled - Democracy: Voice of Nepali Youth.

For the first time I was reading a different side of urban nepali youth's views being presented. I wouldn't exactly say that it was an enlightning write up. But in a way I was glad to witness a bit positive sign that dealt directly with the young Nepali urbans - me included. Which talked about their awareness factor in terms of the political development in Nepal.

Back then I myself was doing my Bachelor's in the US. Being a complete urbanite of Kathmandu all my life. I remember back in school in ....a few of my highly opinionated so called 'rural' classmates always ostracized us for being way too modern. Just because we were 'supposedly' not aware of politics. And we blindly followed western culture. Now that my friend, was a baseless blame. The whole idea of this guy including me in the bracket of 'modern dumb urban youth of Kathmandu' was an insult to me.

Reason one: This concept of being 'westernized' itself was so vague. What do you mean, when you say- I am too western. Did you mean I am too American, or too Canadian? Or were you trying to point out the European culture. Without being aware of the fact that Europeans are poles apart interms of their thought process, culture and lifestyle as compared to the Americans.

Reason two: I loved hollywood movies, loved certain genres of music that wasn't neccessarily American. and still do. At the same time I also disliked the cheesiness they inherited. Just because you want to explore and enjoy different flavors of the world. Doesn't make you any less or more modern than the people around you.

Reason three: A decade long conflict in Nepal, had already gotton the best as well as the worst of me. If it wasn't for the war. I would have never ever paid attention to nepali politics.

Every morning I wake up and the first thing I do is, visit news sites..including some blogs if I have time to keep myself updated with the ever changing nepali political world. At the same time, I also like indulging in understanding the world economy as well as the entertainment sector.

I am just like any other curious human being who wants to learn the new language, get to know different cultures of the world. And well reaching this far. yes, I do try my best to understand whats happening around me...but do not necessairly claim to know things. And I know I have my own piece of mind. That I very proudly speak.

I would love to show middle finger to those who still look down upon me just because I am in their own word so called 'dumb urban'. Well my friend, I am very proud of the fact that I am urban, that I am a true Kathmanduti inside out. I was born here and consider myself very very lucky as compared to the majoirity of our population. And I also hope to share this world knowledge that I have gained with the people of our country. Preferably with ones in the rural side of our world.

anyway...looks like I'm getting carried away. so yes the point is. Please stay away from brandizing or generalizing the world that you don't know. Keep the record straight. And don't understimate people, it doesn't take long for people to prove you wrong.
And getting back to the article of UMB - that certainly was a good effort trying to showcase the urban voice. Still having said that, yes majority of us are not necessarily in the path to understand the changing political senario of Nepal or the world outside for that matter. That doesn't mean they are stupid neither does it mean they are intellectuals. Hopefully in the near future, more urban younger generation would endeavor to get to understand the mechanism of the system. The way it works to the way the plans are executed. It's for their own good!

It's all about Skullcandy my friend!

Oh technology I love you. And those who develop it - I love you even more.

Now Skullcandy has become a fad among my colleagues. Almost everyone in my team has one.and man...what can I say, for someone like me where music and work go hand in hand. One good headphone has become a must to maneuver my everyday routine with an ease. and I MEAN with an e..a..s..e. The headphone I have is really cool. I am a kind of person, who likes building relationship with what I own even if they are my tech products, be it my laptop, my DVDs or including those that helps me keep in tuned with my favorite music! So it was during the War room, I was made accquainted with this fabulously portable headphone called Skullcandy. Remember the days, when those tiny earphones just wouldn't fit in your ears (now that happens to me all the time, as I have the tiniest of the tiny pair of ears)...and while you're running or jogging, the headphones would just constantly fall off. Or those big ones, which works like magic but in a while it starts straining your ears. Gosh, happens to me ALL THE TIME. So a solution to this problem- Skullcandy- that infact fits right inside your ear-hole. And I MEAN ----it would acutally FIT right IN!
Well my friend, thats not it!- Skull Candy also endorses such headphones, in which you can simply 'fit in' your MP3 players- yep the one that sticks right into your EARPLUG. Yes my friend, right into your EARplug. How cool is that- so no more looooooong wires stretched across your body. Its right there, stuck to your ears!..so from now on, whether you skate, or jog, or run...that little thing called earphone is never going to fall off your ears. and hopefully is strain-free as well ..haven't tried one as yet!.

Caffeine Addiction

Anything in life is addictive. I for one was barely ever addicted to any thing related to food. If my mom misses her daily dose of a sip of tea in a day - you know she will have a bad one all through. Addiction for me has only been something external, atleast nothing so close to edibility as such...I am addicted to movies, I am addicted to my converse, to the Internet, addicted to Macbook Pro, addicted to Will and Grace, Seinfield...and so forth. My list can never be complete. But slowly I am realizing something very essential. I am getting addicted to caffeine. Well how did I find out- I remember those regular boring days at the office, my heavy head almost feeling like, it would stop working any second. Thats when a glass of coke worked like magic for me and miraculously the nauseating feel or the headache easily went away. Now... that! my friend is a sign, I am getting addicted. That ONE THING I was trying sooo hard to stay away from. I work at a place where there's a free flow of caffeine from, pops to coffee, hence can't help it!..
So I hope to reverse my unhealthy habit as soon as I go back home. But don't know when that would be. I am also realizing that the old me is gradually spreading its root. The lazy me, I better get out of that vicious cycle. Being a couch potato all day, is sure not helping.

So, it finally rained today, the very first rain of the summer. After a long time I felt so complete physiologically. After a constant flow of snow, then a bit of sunshine, all we were missing; a few droplets of water. ANd finally it happened today..yeh!!..can't wait to take some pictures now. Well, holi has offiicially arrived for me, after long and gruesome months of winter. A few drops of rain was bound to make me happy. I also feel like I am getting home sick everyday. No wonder I have been listening to a lot of Hindi movie songs to get over it. I am not such a big fan of hindi movie songs- but I know this is the closest I can get to - for anything local..besides some Indian food may be..but since solid food has never been my addictive element. Music does seem to replace my illuionistic addiction pretty well I think..at least on the matters of home sickness.

Wave of change

I am just 24, and I feel like I have been lucky enough to be witnessing such an eventful year. 2008 American election, the historical Contituent Assembly in my home country, Tibet's march for cultural freedom and so much more. 2008 has heralded an exciting, unpredictable but still a very hopeful beginning. So if I really had to start, I would do it with an American Politics. Just till mid-2007, American politics was a complete stranger to me. If it wasn't for the heated forum discussion I wouldn't have had ever paid attention to what was happening here in the US. Certainly a great time for America to change the course of its history. What a time to be in. The time where a lady has been fighting for the presidentship against her male counterparts. The time when the black man is for the first time running for the same position. At a time when America is changing, its economy taking a downhill with a fear of recession. Its immigration problem. Never had america needed someone to help save them from the slow-death. and thats when comes in Barrack Obama. Singing the songs of hope and change and yes that Americans can. The fact that he belongs to a very diverse family consisting of everyone from each continent. It has certainly helped him to make a connection with people across America regardless of their race or age.
And amidst all this- I am witnessing the results of contituent Assembly that took place on April 10, 2008 back home. The poll date had been postponed twice and this was the third attempt to make it possible. Amidst the doubts among the regular crowd and political pundits. It happened. Infact with less violence than expected. and was considered a success. I feel pitty that I couldn't be a part of this event but, still hoping for a great change ahead as I go back to my country for good. Another surprise that hit the nation was the Moaist's overwhelming success. Well I for one wasn't. But the news of their win even in the capital city was certainly a stunner. I'm up for anything that could possibly lead our country to a path of development. So I wish a prosperous years ahead for me, for my country and for everyone around.

P.S : I feel blessed to be a part of this great wave of change taking place all over the world. Where we are being more than just a politician, where we are giving up the arms to peacefully collaborate with the government to solve the problem. Where we are joining hands for a free Tibet. And not just expecting but working on things to work out!

Written date: April 14, 2008

The election time

On Thursday April 10, 2008 took place the historic highly-awaited CA polls. And I wasn't any less excited despite the fact that I was miles away from home. As usual the work load was just unimaginable. So thats what took the most of my attention until one of my cousins called in early in the Morning (what the hell was he thinking!!!- early in the morning)..saying- he couldn't vote cause his name wasn't in the 'list'. Hah!!..I was like..didnt' you register??..nand just didn't feel like talking...come on..as a citizen you did have the right to vote and how come he didn't. Must be cause he didn't push their limits. As long as you have the citizenship, isn't that enough to be able to cast your vote. Which is a far better situation than 1000s of people casting votes under someone elses name. And I heard that happened. Which is nothing new in Nepal apparently.

I just don't get it, these politicans acting like animals..how ridiculous is that. The whole point was to go for proportional representation based on people's choice. and there they were using violence or wicked behaviour as the way to maneuver their destiny. Anyway..so its Friday here in the US. I am at work, and all my attention is gravitated toward the election. I am just not feeling liek working, I have bene continously checking news, sites everything that could come in handy to educate me about the post-election.

March 19, 2008

I had written this on March 19, 2008 but apaprently forgot to publish...how stupid, so even if today is April 3, 2008. Well this one's for March 19!

Miraculously, after months of constant grilling, the work load has massively gone down. Although this doesn't mean, I won't be bombarded with any anytime soon. SO I decided to surf around. and do all the crappy stuffs until I get something to do.So Today, March 19, 2008. This is the first thing I spotted on BBC and CNN.The headline read 'Bush: U.S. is safer because of Iraq war' the speech of Bush on the 5th anniversary of the Iraq war. To sum it all in a phrase, he said- The war was a success. Oh BTW, just incase if I missed this, Russia has already elected their new president Dimitri. Who's in fact a follower of Putin. So doubt it if his governance would be any different from Putin's.

Things to do
Work out for 30 mins. EVERYDAY.
Cook Food if necessary.
Read the book.

The War Room

My horoscope today said, its gonna be all smiles. Well admitted that you can't always trust the planets to predict your future. However for some bizzare reason. It seemed to come true. First, the work load wasn't so massive, it was quite fair and managable (But I better not mention this- or else I might just get flooded from this time forward - its a curse).
The best part- as I was just about to head to a loo, getting ready for the War Room. My colleague said- As he won't be around upstairs, we could do it just sitting at the cube.
Okay The war room. This is one lengthy cleansing process nothing too spiritual but when it comes to our site clean-up process its nothing less than one either. Well , its not such a bad project but leaving everything behind and for two straight hours of grilling is at times not fair especially during those days, where you barely even get to breath. Still having said that there are some factors that I look forward to this projectand they are as follows:

• Walking up to the third floor (from the ground floor). I take this as a part of my work out process. By the time I reach the destination, I almost go out of breath. Come on...lady Our old house in kathmandu was seven-storey tall...compared to that, it should have had been a piece of cake.
• I look forward to contributing to this project that inturn would benefit all the Dynamics partners all over the world..ha-ha...yeah right like there are billions of them scattered around.
  

Anyway, damn,,theres so much to do...shall continue next time..if I feel like it.

The night won't see its daylight

After a very long time I am feeling some kind of calmness that I needed so badly in my life. I wanted to be very very much grounded. Feel the Earth and not really fly to touch the sky anymore.I just wanted to be the simplest one. I just wanted to get to the basics. With no big dreams to fullfill- no fancy life to live, even if it meant trying to do good all the time. I just wanted to be in touch with the raw real me. Like never before.
This week has been the most toughest one for me emotionally. The workload at the office was lowest. I was finally breathing a sigh of relief. Unaware of the harshness this week had instored for me.I won't be going into the details but I learnt my lesson. I knew this had to happen one day. Although I was really saddened by this event I am glad it happened.
Nomatter how well you do in your life, its really important to feel little insignificant at times.Its important as a human being cause you are not God to make everything right every other second. You might be the most powerful one on earth. But do you really hold the strenght to make things perfect all the time?. Well I don't, and I realized that this week. Nomatter how high my hopes are I know I do not have what it takes to cure all the illness of the world. And I so desperately seeked to get accquainted with this fact.
At work I listen to top-40 hits all the time, not that I am a big fan of it, its just cause,its right there and its hip, catchy, which instantly refreshes your mind. But ofcourse never becomes your most favourite kind of all time. Its just for the instantliberation.
I think thats when I felt like listening to Nepali songs, some old classics. But to my bad,even Murchunga.com wasn't working. Then I switched to some Hindi movies. and I was hell tired of all the crapy commercial hindi movie songs.
But today- on Friday...It just miraculously came to me 'Is raat ki Subaha nahi'- I wanted to listen to the songs of this movie for a long long time. However, I never really managed to remember the name of the movie. and today it just happened. It was as if god just bestowed it on me. Like he just fed the words in my mouth. ANd I must say, thats all I really needed to console myself.
I must have had been a kid when this movie was released. Have never watched it but one song just grabbed my attention since the beginning like anything. And now reaching the 24th year of my life, I am listening to the song- and plus two more of the same movie. Realized its Sudhir Mishra's film. WHo would have thought I would grow up to be his big fan. I really respect the kind of movies he make, I like that genre.
Anyway, I think thats all I have to say today. An introspective journey is all I need right now. To reflect back,calm down, and just be me all through - the same oldpainstakingly shy, excessively-introvert, the quiet me ...ha-ha..

By Sam Cooke

I was born by the river in a little tent
Oh and just like the river I've been running ever since
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will
It's been too hard living but I'm afraid to die
Cause I don't know what's up there beyond the sky
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will

I go to the movie and I go downtown
somebody keep telling me don't hang around
It's been a long, a long time coming

But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will

Then I go to my brother
And I say brother help me please
But he winds up knocking me
Back down on my knees
Ohhhhhhhhh.....

There been times that I thought I couldn't last for long
But now I think I'm able to carry on
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come,
oh yes it will

Lost Inspiration- renewed

I have been trying to write, not just write but express, express the feeling and not just express losely but seriously let the vocabulary flow, in such a way that would feel exactly like living a life. Painfully driven with a touch of comic act filled with a lots of inspiration. Exactly like my life. Not just 'like' my life but synonymous to living my life (ha no difference there is...or is there?). Something that would inspire me so much so that I would end up writing a book about it or even end up making a movie.
I know this is the moment. I know this is the time to Do it! (Inspired by Nike), not just wait for better things to happen. I know this is it. Tell me this is it. This is the day I become who I've always wanted to be...this is the day I become who I am. The day I discover my potential and tranform them to yield kinetic results.
Tell me this is the time to wake up and never give up. Tell me this is the time to write, the time to make, the time to create, the time to move forward and never look back. Except for the memories to cherish or inspiration to derive from the past. Tell me this is it!
Tell me about it, please tell me, inspire me, make me strong and even more stronger. Give me life, give me all that there is to let me grow. Raise me up, my intelligence, my knowledge, my confidence....just pump them up!.
Make me good , make me better...make me the best.
Please god....you don't have to give me anything else just help me be strong, confident, inspired and help me be good.
Love,
Sha

Longing

For so long I had been trying to write things about so mant things...but I never seem to get time when I feel like writing things. For ages I 've wanted to talk about my fetish for Mac, the food I hate, the busy days at work, Sex and the city, Will and Grace and so so much more.
At the same time I had been trying to avoid one most important part of my life that's supposed to define my future. Yes, the same thing again, my excessively elongated application process to grad school. and this whole sophisticated royal portfolio building process. Well, the truth is, I always have to go to my University to develop anything graphics. Cause thats the only place where I find peace in a form of Mac and ofcourse the latest Adobe suites always ready to let me play along.
God I hate it, no not them...not my favorite digital accessories. But the fact that I don't even have one fucking single genuine Adobe suite. Simply because I can't afford one at this time of my life. and I hate that so much. That everytime I want to create something I have to leave the comfort of my home, drive for 20 minutes in this below 20 degrees weather and eventaully reach the destination then feel awkward and cross fingers all through hopinng not to encounter any familiar faces. Its almost a stuggle for me. This journey of creating a portfolio. From the harsh weather to the long drive to the fear of coming across the people I hate to what not...god I seem to hate everything.
I hate it...and finally today I faced it....one on one with my fear, my needs, my wishes, my shortcomings and what not!. Okay then I admitted lets buy them!- Oh yes ...the latest single Illustrator CS3 ... is 600 buck. Thats my entire monthly rent. So there you go....but heres a thing I could still use my credit card...yeah right.....-x- to be ctd.........

oscar mania

I would absolutely hate it if Oscar didn't take place this year. Missing Golden Globe was such a slap on the face and if we didn't get to witness the Oscar it would be a disaster for me . I mean come on, what is life without those stars on the Earth. From George Clooney to Russel Crowe to all those I adore. Always a special treat to watch them live just the way they are and just the way I like them...This is the only time movie lovers like me get to see the true human side of these stars. Despite the fact that Oscars just overrated. A star studded theater to their winning speeches to the evening gowns. Starting from Red Carpet to that golden statuete. I would hate it if I didn't get to witness an oscar this time. I'm completely with the Writers Guild of America. I respect and support their fight ...but when it comes to oscar you've just got to bow down.
I'm sure they will come up with some kind of pact to let the Oscar take the stage.
Well there's so much I want to write about the movies I watched this year to the possible nominees. As I have to go to bed I hope to write about it some other day when I really feel like it. And when I'll have plenty of time to just talk and flaunt about actors and their characters.
So until next time.
This is whoever, whatever, wherever...however.. taking a leave and will be back if I feel like it...or else...thats just the way it is. Guess till then...you'll be waiting, wishing, thinking...and doing all the '-ings' and the '-angs'..yeah whatever that means again!

Sickie

Okay...lets face it...I thought life and I were never supposed to meet ever. The reason; I don't think theres anything that I enjoy about life. okay I admit, the rain, the air, the snow, trees, mountains, hills, water you just gotta lurve these stuff...but why living life is soo difficult. Yeah I know...life is perhaps the only chance from god bestowed on us to be able to make things different, to make better changes, to give happiness, share sadness...and what Not. I completely agree, without life I wouldn't even have been writing this blog in the first place. But what can I say, life hits you so hard at times, that instead of fighting back I just want to give up. Give up all my dreams and desires , give up my achievements, the possibilites of making things better. And surrender to everything that life has to offer. Complaining wouldn't take me anywhere and trying to make things better seem an endless endeavor to finish. Despite knowing the truth, I don't understand why I still hate being in this position. Hate living life at times. that feeling of wishing that you were dead. ..come to think of it...may be I don't even mean it...as bad. Or it lasts just for a split second. And I know that I'll have to refuel my brain, gear up the tissue cells and get it going. But seriously I wish things were simpler. I wish I never had to worry about how much I made and how much I spent. I wish I never had to worry about the minimum payements or the burden of loan in my head. Or I wish I was this rich person and could donate millions of dollars to the poor and still be happy with it.
True happiness lies in 'giving'. But looking at the srtuggle right now, I'm afraid that I'll never be able to give back to anybody in the truest sense. I know...I am just one of those bunch of fools desperately looking for answers utterly ignoring the fact that the answer lies within oneself. I even see it coming but how long would I have to wait i don't get it. I just turned 24 this November and I'm already feeling like life is slipping away from me, and still SO MUCH left undone. and So much hasn't even begun. and so much of it I still don't get it. Is it the questions that I am asking or the answers I am seeking. I'm not even sure about that.

Just what I was waiting for...or was it something I was avoiding...

Somehow today I gathered up all my courage and finally managed to visit my professors for the recommendations that I had been seeking for so long to wrap things up with my Master's Degree requirements. But before I could even think of a tad bit of progress a funny thing happened. Something I had never imagined. One of the colleges I was applying for was also RISD. and the moment my professor saw RISD- I must say he was a little taken a back. He was like..RISD - thats big..really BIG..and after a while he quite frankly said, "well intellectually speaking...I have to see your portfolio to fill out this form."
ANd THAT was the end of it all. WEll somehow I managed to pull up my URL that was created a long time ago. ANd well out of 9 ( I believe ) he only approved of three. That too with a reservation. hahaha...
and then he asked. why would I want to do my Master's in Graphic Design. and I was like...just casually 'cause I want learn more'.well well...a lot happened in that 20-min. brief meet. He ended up recommending me some books , even pursuaded me to redo my Undergrad in Graphic Design...as theres so MUCH i've missed..as I was never a Graphic Design Student ever. and doing Master's in Graphic Design is like doing a PHD. ANd undergrad in Graphic Design is in fact like doing Master's in Graphic Design. Well ofcourse I didn't at all get offended with what he had to say. Cause I know where I stand interms of this 'Graphic Design' thingy. SO theres certainly a possibility of new dramatic developments in my life. Either wait for another year to develop a strong portfolio (most probably going back to Nepal to create some- that would be a nice break as well - or may be this is just an excuse for me to visit my parents). Or just apply for other universities except RISD. So I don't know as yet.
It was such a beautiful day today. The sun was shining like anything up above with no single trace of cloud to ruin the day and the snow reflecting the rays of the sun back into your twinkling eyes..it was almost a perfect day ...yeah ALMOst a 'perfect day'. Though I honestly do not consider this day as any bad at all...infact it was quite an eye opener...and I thought meeting him did give me a perspective that I was so badly looking for in my life. Now I have no clue whats instored for me...I just hope that whatever I end up doing..it would be worth it. Something that I really like doing. but not just soemthing that I'll be doing for the sake of it or just to maintain my student-visa.
ThankYou God for everyday for making each one a lesson to learn. For making me stronger and more abled. For letting me be who I am. And for everything in life. ha-ha this one couldn't have come any later...

Jan 12 , 2008

The first thing I did today as soon as I woke up (which ofcourse is my daily chores)- Checked the headlines from Nepal. And the news holding the title "Int’l job fair takes violent turn; Kantipur Publications too attacked" caught my attention right away. While reading the headline I thought it was probably just another frustrated people taking it to the streets for no valid reasons. But when I read the news mannn I felt sorry for the youths who attended that fair.
Well, the entrance fee was Rs 100 per head. And they also had to pay Rs 50,000 as the training fees inorder to 'get' the job in the first place. There were other requirements too but the '50,000' was the weiredest one of all. A total bullshit. I can understand, how hard it is in a country like ours to earn even Rs 100 a day and they were asking for 100 +. Perhaps for the first time I thought the agitation taken out to the organizers in our already chaotic world was absolutely valid and made sense. Its not fair to take advantage of frustrated people that way saying something and doing something else. And during the process Kantipur Publication building too was vandalized as they were the official media partner.
Well eventually one of the organizers decided to reimburse the ticket fee.
And here's the funny part. The Minister for Labour and Transport Management Ramesh Lekhak had inaugurated the fair promising some 1000 job offers mostly in India and abroad. WHat a total fiasco waht an ass that guy was....this shows people up above they don't do their homeworks they only know how to exploit people.
ANd heres the even more funnier than the funniest moment eof all even the main organizer (the same one who decided to refund the ticket fee)-
' Manager of the New Horizons, Dipak Pun told Kantipur FM Saturday afternoon: “We will refund the ticket fees as the fair has been cancelled.”'

He said- he himself was not aware about the money collected in the fair for whatever reasons.hhahaha....this got to be a piece worth incorporating in shows like 'late night show with......'
what hte fk was that...that man was one of the main organizers...and what the hell was that all about..like he 'didn't know' ......what a crap...for being an organizer it was his responsibility to look after all this...a total shit.....