Okay...lets face it...I thought life and I were never supposed to meet ever. The reason; I don't think theres anything that I enjoy about life. okay I admit, the rain, the air, the snow, trees, mountains, hills, water you just gotta lurve these stuff...but why living life is soo difficult. Yeah I know...life is perhaps the only chance from god bestowed on us to be able to make things different, to make better changes, to give happiness, share sadness...and what Not. I completely agree, without life I wouldn't even have been writing this blog in the first place. But what can I say, life hits you so hard at times, that instead of fighting back I just want to give up. Give up all my dreams and desires , give up my achievements, the possibilites of making things better. And surrender to everything that life has to offer. Complaining wouldn't take me anywhere and trying to make things better seem an endless endeavor to finish. Despite knowing the truth, I don't understand why I still hate being in this position. Hate living life at times. that feeling of wishing that you were dead. ..come to think of it...may be I don't even mean it...as bad. Or it lasts just for a split second. And I know that I'll have to refuel my brain, gear up the tissue cells and get it going. But seriously I wish things were simpler. I wish I never had to worry about how much I made and how much I spent. I wish I never had to worry about the minimum payements or the burden of loan in my head. Or I wish I was this rich person and could donate millions of dollars to the poor and still be happy with it.
True happiness lies in 'giving'. But looking at the srtuggle right now, I'm afraid that I'll never be able to give back to anybody in the truest sense. I know...I am just one of those bunch of fools desperately looking for answers utterly ignoring the fact that the answer lies within oneself. I even see it coming but how long would I have to wait i don't get it. I just turned 24 this November and I'm already feeling like life is slipping away from me, and still SO MUCH left undone. and So much hasn't even begun. and so much of it I still don't get it. Is it the questions that I am asking or the answers I am seeking. I'm not even sure about that.
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