Longing

For so long I had been trying to write things about so mant things...but I never seem to get time when I feel like writing things. For ages I 've wanted to talk about my fetish for Mac, the food I hate, the busy days at work, Sex and the city, Will and Grace and so so much more.
At the same time I had been trying to avoid one most important part of my life that's supposed to define my future. Yes, the same thing again, my excessively elongated application process to grad school. and this whole sophisticated royal portfolio building process. Well, the truth is, I always have to go to my University to develop anything graphics. Cause thats the only place where I find peace in a form of Mac and ofcourse the latest Adobe suites always ready to let me play along.
God I hate it, no not them...not my favorite digital accessories. But the fact that I don't even have one fucking single genuine Adobe suite. Simply because I can't afford one at this time of my life. and I hate that so much. That everytime I want to create something I have to leave the comfort of my home, drive for 20 minutes in this below 20 degrees weather and eventaully reach the destination then feel awkward and cross fingers all through hopinng not to encounter any familiar faces. Its almost a stuggle for me. This journey of creating a portfolio. From the harsh weather to the long drive to the fear of coming across the people I hate to what not...god I seem to hate everything.
I hate it...and finally today I faced it....one on one with my fear, my needs, my wishes, my shortcomings and what not!. Okay then I admitted lets buy them!- Oh yes ...the latest single Illustrator CS3 ... is 600 buck. Thats my entire monthly rent. So there you go....but heres a thing I could still use my credit card...yeah right.....-x- to be ctd.........